when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
