my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
