Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
