Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
