How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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