You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
