you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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