My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
