Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
