Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
