So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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