help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
