im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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