WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i love accidental penises.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
