this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
