I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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