So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
