he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
