I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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