those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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