I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
