Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
