fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
