Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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