I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
