Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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