You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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