I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
