thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
