Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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