she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
