we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
