North Korea, Best Korea!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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