i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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