all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
