Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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