Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
