guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
