Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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