please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
