RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
