Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
