All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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