I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
