I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
