He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
