My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
