I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
