I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
