I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
